We desire to blossom but all we can see is barren places in our lives.
If we have the courage to look at the broken stuff in us we will be able to journey from a desert place to a blossoming place.
But we need to really look at our selves and take the time to understand our life stories and how we have been shaped.
My story is one of being completely abandoned and abused as a young girl. I was molested (I do still cringe to even write it). It was one time, and once is always enough to create such a deep wound in your heart that it takes a long time to heal. This experienced mixed with multiple abandonment’s , a brother dying, financial struggles in the home, minimal parental support, involvement in an overbearing religious church (we came to realize was a cult) and constant anxiety about life, shaped my emotional state so deeply that it has taken years to heal.
But healing comes when we are able to take those bold yet shaky steps towards understanding ourselves.
I have been through years of counselling , learning to understand myself and healing and can finally understand my story. It is truly possible to move from a desert state into blossoming.
I have walked a dry , hard, painful road and wondered if there would be a beautiful garden that I could find rest and wholeness in.
I am here to tell you that there is.
There is a garden of healing and restoration, where the river runs clean and pure. A place where Jesus redeems the broken places in us and makes us whole from the inside out. A place of safety where wounds can be uncovered and washed and bathed in sunlight. But you must uncover them to receive healing waters into them. You must not let shame hold you captive. Gods compassion for our states leaves no room for shame.
I got to a point in my mid twenties where I realized that my passed was a real thing that needed to be healed and not just put aside and forgotten about. That the losses I had experienced needed to be grieved and released, instead of ignored and to ”just get on with it”
Our past follows us if the wounds are not addressed with love, compassion and knowledge and support from wise people. Our wounds will fester till we are old and grey if they are not addressed to be healed. If we do not choose to face the darkness and do the hard work of healing, then forever in those places we will remain stuck. Those wounds from 25 years ago will find their way into every area of your life. They will go undetected and you will be so use to them that you may not even recognize the presence of the smelling festering pain in you, because you have become accustom to it. And they will drive you in some way in your life, and normally they drive you off a cliff or deeper into a barrenness.
You can waist many years, and create more brokenness in your life if you do not reach your hand out for help and stick with the journey. Don’t let people minimize your experience or stop your process.
I suffered deeply from anxiety, hyper vigilance, not knowing my own feelings or being able to trust myself, unable to trust others, horrible abandonment depression and a deep seated insecurity , always asking AM I LOVED? No one would be able to have known, only if you were a wise attune person would you be able to feel what was really going on in me.
My journey has so many beautiful moments of realization, healing, key people, lots of tears, working through confusion, working through past pain and current losses, struggling against tough emotions and deep roots of abandonment.
I could never have done this alone. But I am happy to say, The abandonment depression disappeared in 2018. The insecurity was a wound that has been healing from within and I am more confident and brace than ever.
Things started to turn around for me when I reached out for the right help,
when I learned self compassion in the places of judgment and criticizing myself.
When I learned to know Gods love in my Heart and not just my head.
I have found a garden that blossoms. I have experienced peace. Dare I say…Love. Wholeness.
And everyone who is broken hearted, any one who feels like a prisoner is welcome on this journey from bareness to blossoming.
I know God is still doing a work in me. But I am here to tell you…
Reach out for THE RIGHT HELP, there is a garden in you that God is wanting to burst forth in colour and beauty and freedom, a garden of colour and delight, contentment and satisfied desire.
And for those of you who are practical , when I mean hard work … I mean.
- Find the right Councillors, mentors, and stick with it
- Read the right books on what you are trying to work through
- Spend time processing and Journaling
- Pray some more
- Show yourself Compassion
- Be honest
- Embrace all your feelings
- Talk through everything with safe people
- Go to church
- Take care of yourself, your body needs to heal
- Rest after counselling it can be very mentally and emotionally challenging
- Remove yourself from toxic, co dependent relationships.
- Take it slow
- Don’t get into a new relationship, it will distract you from your journey and if you are very wounded a relationship will most likely be far more challenging and less enjoyable, the wrong person could damage you more.
- Rejoice EVERY DAY! because your journey is a beautiful one and the barren places will be where the most beautiful trees can grow in you.
- I cannot express how much we need others to help us. Healthy , safe , mentoring relationships are very helpful. It is important you find a wise person with experience in you situation to council you…and stick with it!
Beyond human help, there is someone who can reach into places in your heart like no human being can. Our Heavenly Father. He created our hearts , he knows them best. His love is bigger and better than any negative experience you have had. I would never have been able to heal in those deep places in my heart if I had not experienced His Love, Grace and Compassion on a personal level.
This is a very deep topic, my journey has been filled with twists and turns and unraveling the human heart. I could not unpack all I have learned and learning in this one post. But I just wanted to share in this new year…
That there is a beautiful garden growing in my heart, where there was once a barren unloved desert.
This garden is a place for you too!
There is no shame here. There is no embarrassment of what you have been through.
We are all barren in some way, we are all in need of the master gardener to come into our lives and make all things new.
This is a part of my story, that I am sharing with all of you. I have been going back and forth in my mind whether or not to share it on my website in case it was not the right thing to do. However I decided that
although my story is a little bit hard to share due to shame I had to face about it, I know that 1 in 5 girls are sexually abused and 1 in 7 boys. So if my story can start to create seeds of healing for others, then the risk is worth it.
If you want to go on an adventure of creating a beautiful garden in you. Please message me on Facebook. I will provide for you resources that I use on my Adventure into wholeness.
I am learning to rejoice in places that are barren, because I have faith the great Gardener of the human heart ,Jesus will make them blossom in time.
PS. IT IS NEVER TO LATE TO HAVE A HAPPY CHILDHOOD. 🙂
SOME RESOURCES I have found on my journey FOR YOUR JOURNEY ( Please be kind to yourself as you explore these resources , it can be triggering )
- The liberation project : Keys to Healing the Masculine Soul with Dr. Dan Allender
- Brilliant talk on healing sexual brokenness: https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/making-all-things-new-restoring-pure-joy-to-the-sexually-broken
- BOOKS : UNWANTED: How sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing- Jay Stringer and Making All things new-Restoring Joy in the sexually Broken-David Powlison
- FILM: HEART OF MAN – found on amazon
- Dan Allender – https://theallendercenter.org/resources/video/the-memory-of-trauma/
- podcast: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/media/daily-broadcast/helping-your-wife-overcome-childhood-sexual-abuse-pt2
- Great conversation with childhood sexual abuse survivors https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtijkPpJ_s0
- Understand why the abuser and a help line https://1in6.org/get-information/common-questions/why-do-people-sexually-use-or-abuse-children-2/
- online courses and retreat weekend and great info on understanding yourself http://www.halesworthcommunitychurch.org/understanding-yourself-weekends.html
- Actors speak about their experience of childhood sexual abuse. https://www.socialworkhelper.com/2016/05/02/breaking-stigma-sexual-abuse/
- symptoms of childhood sexual abuse in relationship https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5593753/
With much love and raw honesty
Your friend Shealan